


Towards the Stars, Without Me

by unhingedtimelord



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with an Angsty Ending, Angst with more angst, Doctor Who Feels, Five Stages of Grief, Gallifrey, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Minor The Doctor | Theta Sigma/The Master | Koschei (Doctor Who: Academy Era), POV The Master (Doctor Who), The Master Has Issues, Thoschei, Time Lord Angst, could have at least left him a note honestly, just disappeared without a word, this is why the master hates the doctor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:41:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28435563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unhingedtimelord/pseuds/unhingedtimelord
Summary: " You promised me the universeand left me with nothing.I look up to the stars for a glimpse of you,But you still won't be there. "A one shot that focuses on the five stages of grief that the Master would go through after learning that the Doctor ran away from Gallifrey without as much as a goodbye.
Relationships: The Doctor & The Master (Doctor Who), The Doctor | Theta Sigma & The Master | Koschei (Doctor Who: Academy Era), The Doctor | Theta Sigma/The Master | Koschei (Doctor Who: Academy Era), The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who)
Kudos: 8





	Towards the Stars, Without Me

**Author's Note:**

> The five stages of grief are usually seen in the passing of a loved one, however they can also be experienced in subtler forms of loss such as a break up or moving away, and I wanted to write how the Master would go through them after the Doctor left. 
> 
> The Doctor and the Master grew up as very close friends, and I also personally headcanon them (as well as there being some canonical evidence) as having had a romantic relationship in their Gallifreyan years going so far as to getting secretly married during their later years at the academy. This one shot will incorporate a little bit of that but not much, it mainly focuses on the Master’s emotions after finding out the Doctor left Gallifrey. In canon, after the academy the Doctor and Master went very different ways, but they still retained a friendship of sorts. Though not as close as before, I would assume they still intended to keep their pact of seeing the stars together and met up every once in a while, keeping in contact. But due to their pact and previous closeness, it would still hit the master very hard that the Doctor escaped Gallifrey without so much as a goodbye to him or inviting him along. He cycles through the stages of grief pretty quickly in this as in one version of canon he leaves Gallifrey the same day as the Doctor so I had to speed things up, but it’ll still focus on each aspect. So without further ado, enjoy!

Koschei walked down the halls of the citadel, in a decidedly good mood as he walked to work. He had a feeling today was going to be a good day. Borusa, his old tutor whom he still kept in contact with, had dropped hints that he was going to be promoted to Head Truant Officer, and now he had been summoned to his superiors’ office, who had some “good news” for him. But his spirits were dampened when he saw Braxiatel walking down the corridor opposite him. Of course, Theta’s pompous older brother here to ruin his day. What was he even doing here? He belonged up in the council as the lord president’s lapdog. Luckily, encounters with him were rare, but whenever they did see each other, Brax always plastered on the most sarcastic fake smile, a cross between someone who had just eaten a sour lemon and someone who would rather be anywhere else. Koschei got ready to give him the same fake smile back, but was slightly confused when instead of the fake smile, Brax’s face was one of genuine surprise. 

‘Let me guess...’ Koschei began as they neared. ‘It’s my time. The Lord President has sent the famous Lord Burner after me to erase me from history. Well, make it quick’ he stretched out his arms and closed his eyes, mockingly awaiting his fate. 

Instead of a snide remark, Brax just asked a simple question. ‘What are you even doing here? Shouldn’t you be long gone?’ 

Koschei blinked. ‘What does it look like I’m doing? I’m going to work’ he replied in a deadpan tone. ‘What are 𝑦𝑜𝑢 doing here?’ 

Brax’s eyes widened as he realised, even more surprise on his face, and if he didn’t know any better, he would have mistaken slight...pity. ‘You don’t know...he didn’t tell you...’ 

‘Don’t know 𝑤𝘩𝑎𝑡?’ Koschei snapped. The man was testing his patience. 

Brax looked around awkwardly, trying to find the words to explain this. Why did it have to be him to break it to Koschei? ‘Theta’s gone’ he said quietly. 

Koschei rolled his eyes and started walking past him. ‘That doesn’t concern me, he’s out of the academy. He’s probably out drinking with some shobogans. Very funny, Braxatiel’ he shook his head. Brax had always had a horrible sense of humour. 

‘No’ Brax called after him. ‘He’s gone...he - he fled Gallifrey with Susan early this morning. Of course, he didn’t tell Koschei it had been him who tipped Theta off that he was supposed to assassinate him and his granddaughter. The other didn’t need to know that. 

Koschei stopped dead in his tracks. 

𝑫𝒆𝒏𝒊𝒂𝒍

He felt his hearts drop, blood rushing in his ears. ‘That’s why I was surprised to see you’ he continued ‘I thought certainly he would have left with you’ Brax said quietly. There was no mocking or falseness in his tone. Not this time. His voice felt hollow, distant. Koschei was barely registering what he said. No. It couldn’t be true. Theta was a lot of of things, and maybe they weren’t as close as they were before. But he wouldn’t abandon him. They had a pact, and both intended to keep it. He turned around to face Brax, hands shaking. ‘Comedy was never your strong suit’ he said hoarsely, his face worn. And then he walked away without another word. 

Theta and him had been drifting apart for quite some time, it was true. Gone were the days where they were closer than brothers, where they married in secret in the academy gardens and promised each other an eternity together, seeing all the stars. They were just too different. But they still maintained a friendship, met up for a drink once in a while to catch up. And they always intended to keep their pact. ‘I’ve been with many others’ Theta had said one night after one too many drinks. ‘But nobody could ever match up. It’s always been you’. They’d spent the rest of the night kissing under the stars, reliving their youth and inhaling the familiar scent of their best friend. How they’d missed each other. Once morning came and they sobered up, they never spoke of it again. 

He always passed Theta on his way to work, the other being a councillor. They used to smile and greet each other, distant, but the echoes and memories of their friendship still there in the way their eyes crinkled and lit up when they saw each other. Today would be no different. He was walking his usual route, he was sure he would see Theta any minute now. He would feel relief, tell him what Brax had said, they’d have a good laugh and plan a way to get him back. That unfunny bastard. He smiled to himself thinking about it. What Brax didn’t understand is how well he 𝑘𝑛𝑒𝑤 Theta. Much better than he did. Theta would never leave without him. Not after how much they both talked of exploring together. Theta would never break their promise. 𝑁𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟. 

But Theta didn’t pass him today, and he began to panic. He tried calming himself. Maybe Brax’s first part was right, he hadn’t come in to work today. Yes, that was it. Of course. He almost felt dizzy with relief, and wiped his sweaty palms discreetly on his robes. Once he was settled in, he would get ahold of Theta on his communicator, maybe joke about how he was in trouble. But first, his promotion. He was almost at the Head Office, in a much worse mood than before. Curse Brax for ruining his day with his lies. 

𝑨𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓

The head office was full of people when he arrived. Even Borusa was there. Surely they didn’t all come to congratulate him on his promotion? 

‘You asked to see me, Sir?’ He addressed his superior. 

‘Lord Oakdown. Your news will have to wait until tomorrow, I’m afraid. We’ve been dealing with something - well, I’m sure you’re aware. Please close the door once you exit, and resume your work as usual’ was all he said, and Koschei nodded in confusion, dread coiling at the pit of his stomach. Borusa gave him a look as he left. And there it was again - pity. Once he closed the door, he pressed his ear to it, eager to hear what the issue was, hoping it wasn’t what he thought. ‘The fleeing of Lord Lungbarrow in a stolen TARDIS is a serious issue, but for Rassilon’s sake, we deal with truancy from the academy! We don’t know any more than you do!’ He heard Borusa say, exasperated. ‘Yes, but I just thought-‘ another man began to say, but Koschei stepped away. He’d heard enough. 

His hearts began to pound again, and he gripped a table as he staggered back. No. No, no, no, no, no. He 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑𝑛’𝑡. Had Theta really changed so much? 

He dashed out of the office, running down to the lower corridors where the unfinished TARDISes were held. One last dash of hope in him that it wasn’t true. 

When he got there, his hopes were crushed. It was a crime scene. Police all over the place, government officials telling them to keep things quiet. He leaned back against the wall in disbelief, chest heaving. Then, all of a sudden, he turned and punched the wall, hard, making a dent. He put his fist in his mouth to stifle a scream as tears burned in his eyes. But it wasn’t from the physical pain. His oldest friend had betrayed him in a way he never thought he would. He’d fled Gallifrey with his granddaughter. He hadn’t even 𝑡𝑜𝑙𝑑 him. He wasn’t even given a chance to say goodbye. 

He walked away, hands balled into fists. And then ran, ran as fast as his feet could carry him, out to the gardens, to the secluded place where him and Theta had gotten secretly married as youths. He 𝘩𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 Theta, despised him! With every bone in his body. Hated everything about him! His silver hair, the warmth in his eyes, the ideas and adventures they had gone on together, his witty jokes, his pranks, he way he held his belly when he laughed, the way his kisses had felt, so long ago. He let out a scream here where nobody could hear him, and looked around, furiously swiping away tears. 

He hated this place. He wished he never would have met Theta, or became his friend. Then he could get on with his work peacefully rather than risk his promotion by being absent. He wouldn’t be swimming in memories of a piece of fabric intertwined between their hands as they promised each other to spend their lives together. 

𝐿𝑖𝑒𝑠!

Destroy. He wanted to destroy, to burn this place to the ground. As if destroying it would get rid of all the memories, ripping them apart piece by piece until they dissipated, and the pain of betrayal along with them. He began ripping the leaves and flowers off of the bushes, picking up rocks and smashing the wooden sculptures, pointing a blaster at the trees and blowing them up, wooden shrapnel flying everywhere. He had never felt hate and rage at this intensity, not during any of his past exploits. The one thing he never thought Theta would do to him was abandon him, not after he knew what it was like to be alone. They had their differences and didn’t agree, but their friendship still bound them. Or so Koschei had thought. He wanted to find Theta and ruin him for what he’d done, make him feel the pain he had caused. Why was Susan so important?! He thought as he pointed his blaster at a rosebush, obliterating it. Was she there for him when his cousins teased him mercilessly?! Was she there to stand up for him when Torvic was beating the life out of him?! No, she wasn’t. He was the one who was always there for Theta no matter what, even now. He would have dropped everything in a second to help him. But it was her Theta had picked. Not him. 

‘I didn’t even get a goodbye!’ He screamed at nobody in particular, pointing his blaster at a stone fountain and shattering it. ‘I deserved at least that...’ he said, dropping his blaster, drawing in shuddering breaths. He dropped to the floor, energy spent, looking down at the pebbles they used to throw at other kids to chase them away when they wanted to be alone. 

𝑩𝒂𝒓𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈

He spent the rest of the day roaming the corridors, ignoring anyone who tried to talk to him. His communicator kept beeping, colleagues and manager trying to find out where he was, but he was too far gone to care about anything. His head was swimming with what if’s and if only’s. Maybe Theta didn’t have time - he should have made time, he had a time machine. Maybe he had to flee fast - he should have sent a message on a communicator, a simple goodbye surely would have been effortless, or an invitation. Anything so he didn’t have to find out from Brax. 

If only he had made time to see Theta more often. 

If only he’d asked about the other’s plans.

If only he had reminded him of their pact. 

Maybe he could have threatened Susan, made him take them both. Maybe he could steal a TARDIS and go back in time, stowing away on Theta’s TARDIS. But even if he did, if he got to travel with Theta, did he even want to anymore? It’s not the travelling itself, he could do that on his own, he didn’t need Theta for it. It was the premise of the thing - Theta had fled, not even giving his oldest friend the dignity of inviting him, of even saying goodbye. That cut deep, more than anything. He had been abandoned, cast aside like nothing. 

Without really thinking, he neared his home as he walked the streets of Gallifrey, the two suns setting on the horizon. Some stars already glowed in the deep purple sky by the time he walked out to his balcony, drink in hand. 

He looked up at the stars, tears starting to glaze in his eyes again. 

‘𝐸𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑟 𝑖𝑛 𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑢𝑛𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑒. 𝐼 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑒. 𝑂𝑛𝑒 𝑑𝑎𝑦 𝑤𝑒’𝑙𝑙 𝑠𝑒𝑒 𝑡𝘩𝑒𝑚 𝑎𝑙𝑙, 𝑡𝑜𝑔𝑒𝑡𝘩𝑒𝑟’ he heard Theta’s voice say in his memory as they laid in the red grasses together, looking at the stars in the gentle summer breeze, hand in hand. 

He hated Theta, but he wanted nothing more than to have him back. To ask him why he did this, to ask if he was really that unimportant. 

‘BRING HIM BACK!’ He yelled at the heavens. A plea to the Old Ones, or Rassilon, or whatever entity could hear him. ‘YOU BRING HIM BACK NOW! I’ll do anything...’ he whispered, collapsing into a chair. 

𝑫𝒆𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏

Nobody answered his call. Why would they? The reality sank in. He had already accepted that they went different ways and none of the closeness they had remained. But the memories were still there, and they kept their friendship alive. But now he was gone. No more drinks at the pub, laughing drunkenly at their childhood shenanigans, remembering how they used to prank Borusa. No more working on projects together, teaming up even though they didn’t work at the same place. No more calls at night, asking for advice on something work related, turning into them laughing until the wee hours of the night as they shared workplace gossip and made fun of their pompous colleagues. 

And no more promises of setting aside their differences to see the universe together. 

Somewhere, buried in these thoughts he noticed his cheeks were wet, he had been sobbing. Mourning. Theta hadn’t died, he was alive out there somewhere. But it was about the same. He would never see him again, and he’d shown how little he cared about their friendship. He hadn’t even given him a thought when he fled. Why was he not good enough, worthy to travel with him? 

He clutched at his hair, shaking, feeling like a weight was pressing down on him. Like he had been ripped open and his hearts clawed out. Of course, who else could reduce him to this but Theta? Like he had once said drunkenly, it was always him. His bottle lay forgotten, rolling on the floor. No amount of alcohol could soothe his pain. No amount of alcohol could make the burning hatred for the man he once loved more than life go away. He stood up and went back inside his flat, wiping his tears away. He got a bin bag, fully intending to throw away anything Theta had ever given him - which was a lot. 

He opened a wardrobe and began rummaging, tears flowing down his face as he found and picked up his half of their wedding band, feeling the fabric between his fingers. They had cut it in half, so each one of them could keep part of it. Severed, just how their friendship had been. His hand shook, and he brought it to his face, scrunching his face up in pain. He threw it back in the drawer, growling. It was just a stupid piece of fabric, he didn’t need it. But he couldn’t bring himself to get rid of it. He looked around more when he found it, hand shaking as he brought it to his face to examine it. The node Theta had given him, so he could always find him. Of course, it wasn’t Theta who needed to find him now. But he had given Susan a similar node, just in case he ever needed to track the pair down. Almost like he knew what was to come. 

𝑨𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒑𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 

He wiped his tears from his face slowly, thinking. He could easily track Susan’s location with the node he gave her. He would only need to find a way to her. And if Theta could steal a TARDIS, then so could he. They were both brilliant, after all. He would track him down. Confront him, cause him the same pain tenfold that he had caused. If their friendship didn’t matter to Theta, then it wouldn’t to him either. Theta was now his enemy, and he wouldn’t stop until he showed him what betrayal felt like. Until he killed off everyone he loved, abandoned and left him alone, suffering in loneliness. Until he broke every one of their whispered promises to one another. Maybe then, maybe once he was completely and utterly broken, then he would stop. 

He gathered his things he would need and snuck into the citadel, down to the lower levels that held the TARDISes. Most of the police and officials were gone now, and it wasn’t difficult to sneak past the guards. They didn’t think anyone would try to steal a second TARDIS in one day. These were all incomplete, and he managed to break into the one he thought looked the most finished. He only needed to catapult himself into space, he could finish it himself once he was gone, and before he looked for Theta. 

He spoke out loud as he set the controls for deep space, perhaps to the ship itself, or hoping his voice would carry across the universe to Theta. ‘We picked names at the academy, you see. Names that we thought fit us, that we would carry with us throughout our lives, much more than these childish nicknames. His was, of course, the most sanctimonious you could imagine’ he scoffed. ‘But mine...it’s time to stop pitying myself and live up to my true name. Koschei is dead’ he said, eyes and voice stone cold. 

‘My name is the Master. I’m coming for you, 𝐷𝑜𝑐𝑡𝑜𝑟. I will destroy you and everything you love’. 

And with that promise he pulled the lever, setting off into the universe to track down his best friend and worst enemy.


End file.
